Self-Appointed VP

Since the CEO of the business hasn’t been seen in about ten years, I’ve decided to take control of things around here. Whenever somebody asks how I got my position as Vice President, I just tell them that the big boss appointed me and they can take up with him in the big, dark room on the seventy-seventh floor if they have a problem with it. They do whatever I say after that.

Pretty sweet gig for somebody who was working as a janitor a week ago. I definitely won’t let all this power go to my head or anything. I’ll be super responsible with it.

I think I’m already improving things, honestly. Yesterday I took a trip to floor twenty-three, and there I discovered that the employees were roasting in the sun. Apparently nobody else had been on that floor for years, so they forgot to install commercial glass tinting. Around Melbourne, a lack of tinted windows can really hurt people, especially if the building is westward-facing. I’d always wondered why one floor had windows darker than all the rest when walking into work. I just figured their lights were really bright or something.

So anyway, I used the seemingly endless well of money that is the company expense account to hire a window tinter. He’ll be around to get it done tomorrow. Hopefully the staff can survive that long.

Honestly, I’m not even sure what we do here. As self-appointed VP, I’ve just decided that my job is to make sure everyone is comfortable. Another example, also glass-related by complete coincidence, involved my discovery that the second floor has windows of decorative glass. Melbourne residents knew our building as the “fancy one by the West Gate Bridge” but I never realised why. I told the employees on that floor that if they also wanted tinted windows, I couldn’t really do anything to help. However, if the decorative windows were to “accidentally” get broken, I would possibly be able to replace them with proper ones.

So yeah, I’m basically like Super-Duper Man around here.