Please don’t tell Maya, but I’m totally skipping on our diet. She’d understand if I could explain, seriously. We’ve had the inspections, the paperwork on my desk is starting to look like Everest and then Gary had to have a birthday like a jerk. Maya and I talked ourselves into eating the Banoffee Pie because it was
Basically just bananas’, and the hunger awoke within me. I was like a wild animal when I got home, sniffing around for prey and finding nothing. And so…I might have gone to the corner shop and bought twelve bags of gold chocolate coins because they were the closest things to the counter. They were gone by that night. The one weird trick does not work!
Then there’s the house business. Maya told me about the home styling business based in Melbourne because she was having it done, and now I’m just seeing it everywhere as we look for our investment property. I was thinking that all these places looked terribly nice. When you’re low on blood sugar your senses are dulled, like a big cat in the jungle who hasn’t eaten in days and is trying to focus on an antelope, except the antelope is made of chocolate embedded with cookie pieces and accompanied by a strawberry milkshake with ARGH, CALORIES.
What was I saying? Yea, right, homes. The only thing worse than trying to keep this diet up is the disappointment after walking into a perfectly styled home that fits all your requirements, then finding out that it’s not the place for you for some reason. Maybe you notice that there’s no ensuite in the main bedroom. There was one place over in Fitzroy that didn’t have a parking space, and the gorgeous place in Jindabyne without central heating. And then the place in Keymore with blood weeping from the walls. That was a weird one; adorable garden though.
I suppose there’s only so much property staging can do if a place just doesn’t suit your needs.
And now…to the secret snack cupboard. Everyone needs a cheat day.