I Am Not Your Kitchen Fairy

emergency plumbingHello, it’s Moira, the kitchen fairy!

Said no one ever, because it’s NOT my job to clean up after everyone. It’s been exactly the same every year I’ve worked here. We have our grand staff meeting, I stand up and give my usual set of spiels, followed by a dire warning to all who refuse to wash up their dishes. I think it may be getting more terrifying every year; last year I made Sarah cry, although she only worked her for three months so she wasn’t made of the right stuff anyway.

People are scared into compliance…for a while. Come late February, I keep finding unwashed mugs. That’s how it begins. The negligence, the forgetfulness…that turns clean people…filthy. I have good reason. My first year here I was made break room monitor. Great job! Two weeks later and a visit from the nearest local plumbing place in Melbourne, and I wasn’t loving my job any more. If left unchecked, people are animals who block the drains with leftovers and abuse the fridge space. No one person should ever be left to deal with that alone, so when I’d been here for a bit longer I abolished the entire practice of dumping the responsibility on a ‘break room monitor’ and declared that this was now a democracy. I slapped the plumbing number on the wall and said that woe betide anyone who makes me call it again. The plumbing number was to serve as a warning, like an emergency switch behind a glass barrier. For the gravest of emergencies.

I don’t care if they call me Kitchen Tyrant Moira behind my back (yes Ted, you DID send that email to the entire office. I hope you’re embarrassed). I’m the only one standing between them and complete disaster, and I’m doing it in a way that makes people responsible for their own actions. So now it’s time for the second lecture of the year.

Once your situation gets so bad that Melbourne’s plumbing contractors have to get involved…that’s beyond a joke.


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