Guest Post: Archerak

It was actually really easy to book a spot on Australia’s Next Top Office. My audition didn’t go too well, but the judges changed their mind when I showed them my sphere of complete and utter destruction and how it could tear through matter like a wet paper bag. They had some concerns because they’d already accepted another magic-user for this season. I told them that it wouldn’t be a problem; I could eradicate Space Wizard within the first half an hour of filming.

I don’t really care for the commercial office design business near Melbourne, but I couldn’t let that stop me. I was a massive fan of the first season for how genuine it feels. Even if the contestants want to end each other the showrunners will just let it happen. I think fans are going to really like me. Don’t be fooled by the name; Next Top Office is no ordinary reality television show on Not Flicks. It’s a brutal, gauntlet-style competition of pain and suffering on Not Flicks. Only the most skilled, talented and dangerous contestants will make it out alive. That’s why I’m entering.

Most likely, the question you’re all wondering is why I’ve chosen this website to post my contestant profile. The truth is, I just walked into a random building and asked to see the boss. They said that nobody has seen their boss in living memory, so I explained that I needed to post on their website about commercial fitouts for Melbourne offices because I’m going to be on Next Top Office season two. Turns out, they already have a daily blog and hadn’t selected the day’s writer yet, so it was actually kind of perfect.

Now I’m sitting on the top floor of a skyscraper, rugged up in a blanket and sipping at my Sun-Dollars coffee while I write about myself. I couldn’t imagine a better start to the day before I go and check on my vicious dungeons throughout the multiverse. So yeah, that’s me. Keep an eye out for Archerak on season two of Australia’s Next Top Office!