Bathroom Renovation Memories

Until last month I had never written about the nostalgia I felt for my first love. It was something that I had always internalised, especially because I’m pretty happily married now. But ever since I wrote about it, I haven’t been able to get her out of my head. I keep thinking about how young and in love we were. We did so many fun things together. It felt like we grew up together and I think if she hadn’t moved away we would’ve stayed a couple. 

If she hadn’t moved away maybe it would have been us getting bathroom renovations in Melbourne together thirty years on, instead of my wife and I getting the renovations. Maybe we would’ve sat on the bathroom floor in the middle of the renovation and reminisced on the night we fell in love. My heart aches for all the milestones and opportunities that we missed out on. 

I kind of want to find her, but I know that it would really upset my wife. I completely understand why it would upset her too. Going to look for my first love because I miss her definitely doesn’t sound great for our relationship. It’s really hard. I don’t want to disappoint my kids or my wife, but denying what my heart wants is getting harder and harder by the day. 

My wife and I are currently getting our bathroom renovated, which is what originally kicked off this overwhelming wave of nostalgia. I’ve had to keep the door closed for my own sanity. Unless the bathroom designers or renovators are actively working in the bathroom, I don’t want to see it. It hurts too much to walk past it. I have flashbacks every time I see a half broken tile or half done up vanity. 

I just miss her so much. I need to know where she ended up and whether she’s happy. I want to feel that overwhelming love again.